Scene: Back in the lab, the monster is restrained to a pillar, fairly subdued. We see Igor bustling about, making preparations, stopping to remove the panties from the inert mass underneath a bloody sheet at the center of the stage, making a show of stopping to fondle the monster and thinking better of it, at its reaction. The SUGAR PLUM FAERIES express jealousy and force him back to his chores each time…

The thunder storm continues outside, flashing lightening.

The doors open, throwing light into the lab and we see Dr. Pretorius, Clyde and Frankenstein. Everyone, who can, makes a show of popping on rubber gloves.

Dr. Pretorius: Is everything prepared?

Frankenstein: As prepared as it can be on such short notice. I am afraid we did not have that many supplies on hand and while Igor is talented at ferreting out the recently buried- I am afraid he was able only to find this young creature.

[pulls off the sheet to reveal a nude body, lying on the slab]
Killed in an accident at the quarry… its head completely destroyed… and so its brain—but perhaps you do not wish your monster to have a brain, Dr. Pretorius?

Dr. Pretorius: Don’t be ridiculous. A brain is essential to the proper workings of a body…luckily, on a trip to the train station this evening I was able to locate this brain. [produces a brain] A stroke of good fortune.

Everyone stops and takes a serious look at what Dr. Pretorius is holding—everyone has their suspicions. The SPF starting counting each other, just to be sure…The monster, chained to the pillar seems particularly upset, and begins howling…

Frankenstein: And to whom did this brain belong prior to your fortunate discovery, Dr. Pretorius? Some hapless lass on her way to her grandmother’s house with a basket?

Dr. Pretorius: Nothing so dramatic as that my boy…some lovesick girl threw herself in front of the train. Lucky for us, the impact threw her head clear—an accident in reverse of this one… and our good fortune…

Frankenstein: [very upset, sadly, but with resolve] Nothing to be done about it now I suppose… Igor, prepare the bath, while I replace this leg—we do have one in storage?

Igor: Yes, Master…

Dr. Pretorius: Why—this looks like a perfectly good leg to me…[rubs his hand down the leg, stopping at the ankle]

Frankenstein: [removing Dr. Pretorius hand from the ankle] This is why I am the doctor, and you are merely an observer… this leg would never make it through the "process"…

Frankenstein begins sawing the leg and Igor brings him another.

Dr. Pretorius: What a shame…

Igor: [lecherously] yes… indeed…

Frankenstein: Please keep your minds on the task at hand. Igor, prepare the brain.

Igor: Yes, Master…

Frankenstein: And, you, Dr. Pretorius, if you could attach the electrodes, both here and here… and careful, Man. They must be placed perfectly.

Dr. Pretorius: This is how you have done it? It is this simple—a few body parts and a bit of electricity? That’s all there is to it?

Frankenstein: One mustn’t forget the twinkle in my eye, Dr. Pretorius—and my "solution…"

And don’t all discoveries look rather simple—having been made?

Dr. Pretorius: [watching Igor pour the solution over the brain from a tea pot] And the "solution.." It's not really tea is it?

Igor: [laughing] Darjeeling…

Frankenstein: One certainly cannot fool you, Dr. Pretorius—actually, it is the ambiotic fluid of a rare but obtainable sea creature. An Etruscan eel. Certainly you learned of it when you studied Amelionics?

Dr. Pretorius: [somewhat embarrassed] Why.. yes, of course. How foolish of me not to have thought of it myself…
Clyde, you are taking all of this down, are you not?

Clyde begins scribbling again, keeping his eyes peeled for the Sugar Plum Faeries who continue to make moves on him.

Frankenstein continues to stitch and to assemble, over the body, as the storm seems to accelerate intensity.

Frankenstein: And we have a face for this creature, Igor. Something with lips?

Igor hands Frankenstein something in a box. Frankenstein attaches this object, hands Igor the box and then recovers the body with the sheet.

Dr. Pretorius: Oh… lovely…

Frankenstein: We do what we can…

Dr. Pretorius: [excitedly] And what now?

Frankenstein: Now we wait and hope the electrodes are attached correctly. Once the lightening has been attracted to this rod… we shall see…

Dr. Pretorius: I don’t think I can contain my excitement… Clyde, Clyde! You must be here, right here… staring into the very face of creation… don’t be squeamish. This is what we have waited for… waited to see… you mustn’t miss a nuance!

The storm becomes furious, casting strange shadows on everything while everyone backs away from the body on the slab, though’ Dr. Pretorius continues to try to lean towards it.

A crack of thunder and then a lightening bolt ignites the electrodes. The body on the slab begins to vibrate. The monster howls.

Frankenstein moves quickly towards the body and detaches the electrodes.

Frankenstein: Quickly, Igor. The resuscitator!

Igor hands the doctor some strange looking object, which the doctor uses, then he pulls the sheet off the figure beneath it.

The body sits up, awkwardly, a naked woman wearing a geisha mask. She stands, then takes a pirouette.

Frankenstein: Behold, Pretorius… your creation.

For the first time in his life, Pretorius is speechless. He stands with his mouth open. Clyde on the other hand, walks up and takes the creatures hand, as though enraptured..

We see Mrs. Frankenstein appear with her bags at the door. She drops them and stares in amazement.

The Sugar Plum Faeries move quickly to clothe the creature and to rebuff Clyde’s attentions. The monster howls piteously.

Frankenstein notices his wife, who he has thought dead and runs to her, falling to his knees before her, as though begging her mercy.

Frankenstein: [almost weeping] I thought you were dead…

Mrs. Frankenstein: And I did not know that you were… dead, I mean.
Is this what you have been doing?

Mrs. Frankenstein begins to wonder about the lab, towards the newly created creature. Everyone including Pretorius backs away from her approach.

She stops in front of the creature.

Mrs. Frankenstein: Claudette?

The creature takes another pirouette, and stops in front of Mrs. Frankenstein. Mrs. Frankenstein turns to her husband.

Mrs. Frankenstein: I came back for you.

Frankenstein: You left me?

Mrs. Frankenstein: Not before you left me…

Pretorius has had enough and stands forward, taking the creature’s arm.

Dr. Pretorius: [with disgust] Really, I have had enough of this frightful romantic nonsense. It has no place in Science! I have what I have come for, and I shall be most pleased to leave you all to your absurd fates… you should have remained at the train, my dear. There is nothing for you here but confusion…

[happily] I shall take this delightful child to my lab
as well as a bit of your "solution" and we shall see what comes!
Clyde! Grab that teapot and follow me!

As Dr. Pretorius moves towards the door, with the creature on his arm and Clyde with a teapot close behind, the constable appears. Igor and the Sugar Plum Faeries scatter.

The lights reveal shadows of pitchforks and fire.

Constable: Forgive my intrusion, Missus, but I am here to arrest your husband, Dr. Frankenstein, for acts against God and Nature. And I shall be taking this… this… monster as well. It is sorely in need of… burial.

In the confusion that follows, the howling monster is released from its bonds, and taken away—Frankenstein has shackles placed on him, and Dr. Pretorius and Clyde sneak out, with Claudette.

The lights go down.

When the lights come up, we see Igor in the lab, as before sweeping up. He picks up Mrs. Frankenstein’s suitcase opens it and examines her undies with his nose.

He sings the entire song Aqualung.

Epilogue

Igor: Are you still here?
It didn’t all turn out bad…
Clyde was able to sell his novel Bobbing for Sugar Plums , and is now living the good life at the Playboy mansion.
The Sugar Plum Faeires all got jobs doing television commercials, no shortage of heads to dance in…
the monster was finally returned to the various and sundry graves in which it belonged.
Frankenstein, when he finally got out of prison, got a job teaching vivisection 101 at the local university, and took up origami.
Mrs. Frankenstein moved to Saskatchewan—she was the only really smart one.
The Constable was elected Burgomeister.
Dr. Pretorius has an entire family, now. Its what he always wanted.
… and Claudette? What can I say about Claudette wouldn’t come back to haunt me?…

The End

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